Practical Tips To Help Grieving Teens

The death of a child is so traumatic that even trained counselors frequently don’t know what to say or do. Many youth pastors desperately reach out for help through ministry forums and social media. Because my daughter was killed on a church youth group outing when she was fourteen I can tell you the things that helped my family from first hand experience. However, I am not a trained professional. My knowledge of helping grieving teens in the youth group is limited to personal experience.

The Youth Worker’s Guide to Helping Teenagers in Crisis

By Rich Van Pelt & Jim Hancock / Zondervan

Crisis-management expert Van Pelt and respected youth worker Hancock unfold step-by-step plans and biblically based advice for managing scenarios from substance abuse to natural disasters. You’ll learn how to respond quickly and effectively to crises; balance legal, ethical, and spiritual outcomes; forge wide-ranging preventive partnerships; bring healing when damage is done; and much more.

To Help Grieving Teens They will need to talk about it:

You must boldly enter into their grief with them. You might be terrified that you’ll say the wrong thing, and you might, but, blubbering and crying is never wrong. Listen and cry. Be slow to offer any answers at first. Ask the questions with them. Come before God with your questions, disbelief, and even anger in prayer.

Acknowledge their pain:

Even if the kids were only mildly acquainted they will feel like this was their best friend and it’s happening mostly to them. This may be the first time death has struck close to home. Let them dive into their feelings but keep an eye out for them taking this too far. If needed, you might have to gently apply a dose of reality to shake them out of it.

My Friend Is Struggling with Death of a Loved One by Josh McDowell

Fifteen-year-old Chad Rogers has never experienced such anguish. Suddenly he is faced with the death of his little brother and the critical injuries of his mother and best friend, Rob. He now must find a way to survive when those he loves most are gone. But how?

Do you know any students like Chad who are confronting the devastating loss of a loved one? What can you say or do to help? What do they need most right now? Perhaps more than any time in their lives they need a “911 friend”-a friend who “…is always loyal and a brother [and sister who] is born to help in time of need” (Prov. 17:17).

Through the aid of a gripping true-to-life story, Josh McDowell along with Ed Stewart offers biblical insights and practical instruction on what your friend can do when faced with such a situation. But more importantly, you will discover how to become a true source of comfort, encouragement, and support to him or her during such a loss. This book is designed for you to read first and then give to your friend.

More Practical Tips To Help Grieving Teens

Do a Memorial Service with just the Youth group:

Turning their grief into concrete actions is a good step to take. The kids in my daughters youth group attached a helium balloon to the seat she usually sat in at church during our memorial service. This was their way of signifying her place in the group and the loss they felt. They also did a balloon release. The balloons carried their thoughts, Bible verses, and good byes on little stickers.

Make a Plaque

During their next several mid-week meetings they made a plaque and a giant poster that hung in the youth garage for many years.

They needed to talk to us (the parents):

The kids wrote their favorite memories of Catherine, assembled copies of any photographs they had of her and presented them to us. One teen clung to me and cried on my shoulder until my shirt was soaked. They also needed to tell us their story (or involvement with our daughter, their relationship with her), and know that we valued them.

They needed us to forgive them

You heard right. Kids will feel guilty even if they aren’t even remotely connected to the event. They may have spoken a bad word, gossiped, or taken the other side in an argument long ago. Some needed to know that we did not hold anything against them. They needed to hear us forgive them.

Disappointment with God

By Philip Yancey / Zondervan

In Disappointment with God, Yancey tackles the questions caused by a God who doesn’t always do what we think he’s supposed to do. Insightful and deeply personal, Yancey points to the odd disparity between our concept of God and the realities of life. Why, if God is so hungry for relationship with us, does he seem so distant? Why, if he cares for us, do bad things happen? What can we expect from him after all? Yancey answers these questions with clarity, richness, and biblical assurance.

A Gold Medallion Award Winner, Disappointment with God has had an overwhelming impact on many lives. If you’re struggling through difficult questions about God, you’ll find this volume indispensable.

Help Grieving Teens by Answering the tough questions:

Kids will need to have answers to the deep questions that the death of someone close brings up. “What Happens When You Die? ,” “Why do bad things happen to good people?”, “Doesn’t God love me?”, “Am I being punished?”, “Can’t God protect me from evil?”, “If He can, why didn’t He?”, Is God responsible for evil?”, “Can a person who commits suicide go to heaven?”

Kids will ask you these loaded questions. If you give them the same old rote answers they will turn you off and mistrust whatever you’re teaching. If, on the other hand, you prepare a detailed, Biblically supported answer, weather it’s a tough answer or not, they will grow to trust you and appreciate your lessons. The point is to tell the kids the truth.

When Kids Hurt: Help for Adults Navigating the Adolescent Maze by Chap Clark

Chap Clark’s groundbreaking Hurt: Inside the World of Today’s Teenagers revealed the hard truth about contemporary adolescence: societal changes and systemic abandonment have left teenagers struggling to navigate the ever lengthening and ever more difficult transition to adulthood without caring adults.

When Kids Hurt offers these challenging insights to youth workers and parents in a more accessible form, with greater focus on how adults should respond. Practical sidebars and application sections, contributed by other youth experts, provide additional insights into youth culture and how adults can better guide adolescents into adulthood. This book will be an important resource for youth workers, parents, counselors, and others who work with youth.

Suggest a pet :

Our son, only eight at the time, was greatly helped by getting a dog. Indeed, the whole family was helped. Pets, I suppose, aren’t right for everyone, and there are many housing situations that would not allow it. However, we got our dog, Max, from the pound a year after Catherine was killed and he filled a void in his own unique way that was part of the healing process for us all.

99 Thoughts on Caring for Your Youth Group: From Coffee Shop Counseling to Crisis Care

By Matthew Murphy & Brad Widstrom / Group Publishing

Youth workers befriend, help, and counsel teenagers through important years in their lives, highs and lows, successes and difficulties. Authors Matthew Murphy and Brad Windstom draw from their collective 45 years of Youth Ministry to help youth leaders be better equipped to handle the daily care of their students. Sometimes this means responding to crises in their lives and other times this means being there to guide them through chronic pressing issues. In this book, you will have a basic toolkit that honors God and assures you can provide the best possible advice and care.